Rigger's Decision (Fear Niblet) by Nicky James

Author:Nicky James [James, Nicky]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-07-03T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Six

Dinner happened at a more casual restaurant, also located on the harbor. When the waiter came to take our drink orders and deliver our menus, Naël hitched a brow as he stared me down and asked for two beers, alleviating my need to worry over what I might pick.

Before I could open the menu, he placed his hand over top and pinned me with that no-nonsense glare that made me sit straighter. “We aren’t going to have the same issue as last time.”

It wasn’t a question.

I shook my head as he removed his hand. The whole time I scanned the menu, I felt Naël watching me. Despite my brain tearing me in a hundred different directions, I knew if I didn’t pick something I liked, Naël would know and he wouldn’t be happy.

I wanted him to be happy.

In the end, I ordered a clubhouse wrap with a side of creamy chicken soup, but even as I spoke the words to the waiter, my gaze never left Naël’s, looking, waiting, and seeking his approval.

Naël ordered the steak. When the waiter left us alone, he took my hand and brought it to his mouth. A few carefully planted kisses along my knuckles later, he gifted me with a gentle smile. “That was difficult for you, wasn’t it?”

I absorbed the warmth of his hands around mine and nodded, cutting my eyes to the table with embarrassment. How did I explain this looming cloud of judgment that followed me everywhere I went? Would he understand?

“Tell me, have you done some research this week like I suggested? Do you understand contracts and what I’m proposing?”

“Yes. Mostly. They outline the basis for a BDSM relationship giving both partners a clear and concise understanding of their roles and personal expectations.”

“Very good. You understand that a contract can be as elaborate as it needs to be and can outline strictly bedroom activities or encompass a full twenty-four-hour lifestyle.”

“Yes.”

“And how elaborate do you think you and I need to be?”

My gaze shot up, and I stared wide-eyed at Naël. Why was he asking me? What if I said one thing and he expected another? Would he back out? Would he be upset?

“There is no right or wrong answer, Rigger. When building a contract, we need to be one hundred percent transparent with each other.”

I still couldn’t find words, and the longer I sat unspeaking, the more urgently I wanted to squirm and change the subject. I couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Look at me,” Naël said, not harshly but in a way that settled the whole exploding madness in my chest.

I looked.

“I sense that you struggle with a lot of aspects of your life. Your inner turmoil bleeds out of you, even if you don’t want to show the world. You want desperately to please people and seek approval with everything you do, but it’s exhausting, isn’t it?”

My shoulders sagged. “Yes. Sometimes I can’t sleep because I replay everything that’s happened in a day and see all the places I went wrong or said something I shouldn’t have or did something to make myself look stupid.

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